Will my son's behavior be considered acceptable in a Montessori preschool?

Young boy on bike wearing a helmet, with arms crossed and a scowl on his face, at the playground.

How can I know if my four-year-old son's behavior is considered acceptable in a private Montessori school setting? (Being intrusive, poking, or not obeying, wanting to continue playing when it's time to line up. He's within normal limits of behavior but is on the active side.)

Some boys can take longer to master social skills. However, it will not be acceptable in a private school setting, Montessori or otherwise, after age five. (It is not uncommon for some boys to repeat Kindergarten because of their lagging social--and academic--skills.)

The most important thing is for you to be consistent at home with the rules of the school-to-be, and follow the boundaries and guidelines of the classroom he will be in. He may test them out at home (to see what he can get away with) because there may be inconsistencies. So ask his new teacher what the general rules are, so you can follow them at home, as well as at the park, at a friend's house, etc., and if he is not following those rules outside of the home, leave. Plain and simple.

I did this with my son who has special needs. But he got it after only a few times of leaving the park or a playdate!

My son is an only child who just turned three in the first week of September. This is only his third week of Montessori preschool and I have just received a follow-up email from his teacher on his progress at school: "His inability to take lessons, complete a task, and attend for any length of time is making it difficult for him to settle into the classroom and be a part of the group..." I truly believe that a child cannot be expected to fully conform to classroom rules or show consistency, needles to say mastery, of the skills presented as challenging areas. I would greatly appreciate your feedback on it.

Three weeks is about the norm for a school to work with a new child (even at age three) to see "how it works out" for that child (and the school). Some children are not ready for a Montessori preschool environment at age three, and some are more suited for a traditional, play-based preschool, or an in-home daycare.

It could be that your son is either not ready, yet, for a Montessori preschool, but will be in six months; or he is not meant to be in a Montessori environment at all.

What I suggest is cutting his day very, very short: drop him off at the beginning of class and pick him up at outside playtime/recess...so let's say you drop him off at 8:30 and pick him up at 10 or 10:30. And do this three times a week for a few months (we sometimes did this in our Montessori school). Then, when you and the school feel he is ready, either have him stay later or have him come five mornings a week. Ask the school if they would be willing to do that! (I had to do that with my son--and he eventually settled in fine.)

You can't hurry up his development, and neither can the teacher(s)...

Not every child indeed fits the "Montessori mold."

I think they are just being honest about the situation, as hard as it is to hear, and are even willing to meet with you--so when you do meet, ask them if they would be willing to have him come three mornings a week...and see how that goes.

And I would look at some other preschools, just in case it does not work out, or they so no. ~Lisa Nolan
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

My Free E-books @

Kindergarten, First, Second, Third, Homeschooler - TeachersPayTeachers.com

And now for my top posts!

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Simone Davies of The Montessori Notebook

How to talk with children is a lesson we all seem to need. Even as infants they learn from how and what we say to them. We are thrilled to have Simone Davies back with us to walk us through the How2Talk2Kids method of communicating with our children. It ’ s a pleasure to be back guest blogging here. I love the energy of this group and your passion and interest in incorporating Montessori into your homes. I ’ m exactly the same. When my children were born  (already 12 and 13 years ago!), I wanted to learn a different way to be with them. I didn’t want to force learning on them; I wanted to discover and explore the world together and guide them along the way. But I found my communication skills lacking. A repertoire of “good girl/good boy,” “what a great job,” or “don’t worry, it’s just a scratch” came flowing out of my mouth in the same way we had been raised by our parents. The words I used just didn’t seem to be consistent with the way I wanted to raise my kids, for them to t

Montessori & the benefits of the geoboard!

The geoboard is one of the most beneficial materials in a Montessori classroom and at home. It is both a Practical Life activity and a Sensorial activity, depending on how you use it (present it to the child). Practical Life "All the practical life activities, in addition to improving hand-eye coordination and muscle control, are designed to increase the child's ability to concentrate [and to also go from left to right, and from top to bottom]." Montessori on a Limited Budget by Elvira Farrow and Carol Hill Practical Life Introduction from my Montessori training manual: "Exercises in Practical Life are given the greatest importance. Exercises in Practical Life help the child mainly in his efforts to adapt to his limited space, and his group, and to achieve independence. They answer his need expressed by "Let me do it by myself." They are excellent for the toddler old who is struggling to bring his psychic needs in accord with his physical development by de

A Montessori Teacher's Thoughts on Waldorf Education

As a Montessori 3-6 and 6-9 trained teacher, I have a lot of respect for Waldorf education, even though I was drawn to (fell in love with!) Montessori at a young age (23). And as a Montessori teacher, I have recommended it for a few children (usually two students per year) who were graduating from our 3-6 classroom, because I (we) felt it was a better choice for those particular children. Their interests, or should I say passions, were not with the Montessori materials, and certainly not academics like phonics and simple math, but instead, they loved arts, crafts, practical life, the outdoors, and botany. One of the attributes I like about Waldorf is its sensitivity to the development of the WHOLE child: mind, body, and spirit. Also, there is a lot of emphasis on fine motor (like weaving, knitting, sewing), nature, cooking, playing, arts and crafts, large motor play, storytelling, poetry, songs, critical thinking, and literature. Speaking of large motor, children really benefit from

Montessori Sewing Works by Aimee Fagan, author of Sewing in the Montessori Classroom: a practical life curriculum

If I had to pick just one type of work to stock my practical life shelves with, it would be sewing. I am NOT an accomplished sewer. Actually, I think it has been over a year since I pulled out my sewing machine, and then I prefer to make clothing with elasticized waists. But, when it comes to the classroom, I think nothing beats handwork. Maria Montessori stated that the activities of practical life should be meaningful, looking around my classroom, I wanted to find activities that still had meaning for today’s children. Polishing is great, but how many children really see their parents polishing the silver place settings? Spooning, tonging, pouring, and the like are quickly mastered when we leave the lessons simple and isolated on the tray. What materials could we use that would appeal to the 3-year-old and remain enticing through age 6 or beyond? Sewing. A child’s engagement with practical life materials is what prepares him for later success in the classroom. These handwork acti

Montessori and Composting with Kids

When I was a Montessori teacher for 20 years, I learned how to compost with the children at our Montessori school. Now that I am a work-at-home mom, and my son is older, I started composting with him this summer: I combined what I learned as a Montessori teacher with what I had around the house.  First, I grabbed an old Styrofoam  ice chest that was taking up room in our garage. I poked holes in all the sides, including the bottom, with a large screwdriver. Then I layered a little soil and manure on the bottom and watered it just a tad.  Next, I got a basket with handles for my son to gather "brown waste" from our yard: leaves and dried grasses, and small sticks.  We then retrieved our kitchen-counter compost and poured some "green waste" on the compost. FYI: No dairy or meat goes in the compost.  So now we have both brown and green waste together. That's important for healthy compost! Next, we added a few cups of soil. It is not necessary to add soil. I use it

The Arctic: Montessori Activities

In a Montessori environment, the study of a continent (for ages 3 to 6) entails introducing activities in Geography, Zoology, Botany, and Culture, to name a few. Today we are going to look at the continents of Arctica and Antarctica. When we think of these continents at both ends of the world, we think of ice and snow. So the very first day or week of activities to introduce to your home school or classroom environment are Sensorial activities and should include ice (and snow if you live near snow in wintertime). FYI: The links on this page were updated on 12/10/2023... The following are Arctic animals and ice cube and snowflake activities from the My Montessori Journey blog:  Snowflake Matching Cards Snowflake Cut and Paste booklets "Iceberg" Activity Arctic Animals Books Melt an Ice Cube Game Don't live near the snow? Try this "Make your own Fake sensory snow that feels real"  activity. The second day or week  the set of activities to introduce would be  Prac

Montessori Homeschool Routine by Marie Mack of Child Led Life

" Plainly, the environment must be a living one, directed by a higher intelligence, arranged by an adult who is prepared for his mission."  ~Maria Montessori  Our Montessori approach up until now has been to set up the best Montessori environment we can with an open learning philosophy. Our children have had the opportunity to work on any of the activities we have out, without much routine to the day or many formats to the activities.  Now that Samuel is 2.5 years old, we feel like an established routine could do us all some good. But where to start? What's the best way to complete all the tasks considered to be appropriate for a Montessori school age 3-6? And how do I keep all those lessons, activities, and planning within my small budget?  Here's what I found!  After reading through Lisa Nolan's Montessori homeschool e-book , and having some discussion with my husband, we decided that homeschooling is the best thing we can do for our children at this

Montessori and Potty Training Boys

My son E. is 26 months old and has been wearing underwear for about a week during the day (cloth diapers at night). For the first day or two, he'd make it to the potty about half the time... But after those first few days, any suggestion of the potty upset him very much. So, I stopped mentioning the potty, thinking he was still learning about his body... The past few days he has not attempted to go to the potty at all, just has accidents all day. Should I be doing something else? If so, what? Should I try to get him to help clean up? If so, how? Have I missed his window of opportunity? Oh! The joys of potty training! Boys? Oh boy! Boys (when they potty train or potty learn ) act just as you described! They are fickle! What to do? 1. Don't show emotions when your child has accidents or refuses to try to go in the potty, just be matter-of-fact. 2. Don't expect the child to clean up accidents, you can invite them to help you, but at age 26 months they might not have t

The Working Mom's Guide to Montessori in the Home by Meghan of Milkweed and Montessori

There are all sorts of reasons for bringing Montessori home. And there are all sorts of ways of doing it. There doesn't have to be   a divide between working moms and stay-at-home   moms (who are, of course, also working). There really are just moms, and we’re all just doing our best. Let’s have a bit of grace with each other (and ourselves), shall we? With that said, there are some practical differences.   Those of us who go out of the home to work have to focus our efforts on shorter time slots and more specific times of the day. There may not be as much time for themed trays and seasonal artwork, but there can be simplicity, respect, and a prepared environment. Here are a few ways we try to bring Montessori into our home: 1.  Focus on the environment.  Maybe you can’t give your child all of the time you’d like to, but you can prepare a space in the home that is his own. It doesn’t even have to be a lot of space. By creating a welcoming environment for the under three feet set, y

Setting Up A Montessori Home Part 1 by Marie Mack of Child Led Life

Photo by Marie Mack We had just moved to a brand-new town, again, with a baby just 10 months old. He was curious, smart, and on the go. A resounding question haunted my thoughts as a stay-at-home Mom. What do I do with him? How do I teach him? Where do I go from here? The Montessori Method flooded my reading material and conversations. I knew where Maria Montessori was from, why she started observing children, and how her methods had changed the way humans thought of the youngest of us. I was sold on the idea that my child would learn about his environment best through this method. But how to start? Setting up our house to be a Montessori house was one of the hardest things to do. I scoured the internet and found a small home video on YouTube. The mom seemed young to me and lived in a small home that I probably could have fit in my living room. I was humbled at the things she had done for her son and wanted to mimic the same small details for Samuel.  I hope to blog three parts to